Jayden’s Diary – Episode 5

 

Hi Diary,

Apart from my two friends who happen to be my classmates and roommates, no other person in the school knows yet about the things that are happening to me. With the sensible exception of maybe some smart calculative folks, who were present in the chapel the day Kelvin offered a labeled answer to my questions during the Bible Study session. Well, anybody can think whatever they want. It is not like I give a hoot anymore.

I couldn’t even articulate my worries to anybody in my class. Because, I can’t seem to put up with the way I’ll appear to atheist guys whose points I had always attacked. While they may be happy for the addition of a brother into their fold, at a point, and maybe not to my face, they’ll think my faith was a product of dogmas, and not self-verified realities, in the sense of it.

That’s a big blow I can’t afford to take from even them. It’ll be a big slap on my intelligence’s face. This morning, I removed myself from all the Christian groups I belong to on social media.

On my bed is where I lay every morning and night, while my roommates proceed to devotion in the hostel’s common room. Joe came back to the room after the prayers and handed me a pamphlet on salvation. I told him ‘No, thanks’.

Meanwhile, Ben, my other roommate talked about how we needed to go for prayers in chapel because our exams were in few weeks, and excellence, according to him, can only be pre-activated in prayers. It didn’t sound bad. But I was internally vexed to ask him what the point was in dedicating your time praying to a god who will later restrict people from entering eternal rest because they fell short of a standard.

I told him I was going to spend my own time studying, working with my own hands, and doing my own thing. If I excel, fine. If I don’t, well. That will be a satisfying use of my time.

I guess my replies repainted the picture of me they had in their minds. This evening, Joe was looking for a silver wristwatch in his part of the wardrobe. I was in the room when they went for evening service. When he began the search, his face tried to say otherwise. But his actions loudly said I picked his watch. Why? They left me in the room reading, while they went for prayers.

And leaving me alone in the room these days, especially with the puzzles I am carrying around means to them just one thing; the devil’s child has done things with our stuff. Everybody believed the odd person – I took the watch. Another sad thing.